A Vintage Stock Take – 8 August 2025

Last week we enjoyed a late-night party here in the shop. By late, I mean past 8pm. By a party, I mean a stock take. By enjoyed, I mean enjoyed. Here is what I learnt.

There are 6144 books for sale in the shop. We know that because we scanned each one. The scanners are not designed for left-handers. Harry and I are both left-handed. We feel personally and dextrously attacked.*

Making separate piles as one goes of ‘things I intend to read next’ is not helpful. It is hazardous. Add twisted ankles to the list of already-known stock take injuries: tennis elbow and Funny Bones.  

Someone does not know their alphabet. The options are me, Harry or the customers. We welcome your submissions depicting where in the Venn diagram the issue lies.

We found Watership Down in the children’s section. We apologise. This has been rectified.**

Annie Ernaux was one of our favourite authors. Until now. We have a lot of her books, they all look the same and the barcodes are on the inside covers. Manipulating these for the scanner adds 1.24 seconds per book. Checking that you haven’t missed one further increases SPS (seconds per scan). Reminding yourself why you love her by reading out sections raises ALitH (annoyance levels in The Heronry) and delays leaving for the pub. Sorry.

I was unclear whether we should take stock of other items in the shop such as wine bottles. My accountant did not answer my panicked telephone call. As a solutions-focussed business we concluded that we should consume all wine on the premises before the financial year end with a view to restocking in the new year.***

The next morning I was faced with the report of apparently missing items. The sections I scanned had the most mistakes. Correlation between wine drunk and scanning errors is not causation.

Following stock take and wine, it is recommended that you Sleep Tight, Disgusting Blob.

Questions arising:
If we have seven copies of Question 7 why are there none of Questions 1 to 6?
In our top ten bestsellers since opening is a book about a ghost falling in love with George Sand. Does this define the shop?
If x=y+z where x is the number of books in stock, y is the number of books actually for sale and z is the number of books put aside for me, how many tote bags are required to carry my stash home?
If it takes three people three hours to conduct the stock take and one person three days to make sense of the report, how happy is my accountant on a scale of One (Boat) to (Starter for) Ten?
Ali Smith’s books take up 0.63% of the shelf space. Is this a) good but room for improvement b) surprisingly little or c) embarrassingly low?

In no way related to the above, here are some reading recommendations:

Flesh by David Szalay: meet István at fifteen years old, quiet, friendless and forced to help his neighbour to carry her shopping, in exchange for sweet treats and then for something else. Follow him as he leaves Hungary to fight in the army, returns with PTSD, moves to London and finds himself amongst staggering wealth. Rarely have I known a character so intimately, felt his solidity and become so invested in his story and yet he says almost nothing but ‘yeah’ and ‘okay’ throughout the decades of the book. I really think this is a masterpiece.    

Misinterpretation by Ledia Xhoga: an interpreter meets a man in Washington Square Park to take him to his dentist appointment. Afterwards he asks if she can also interpret for him at his therapy sessions. He is a torture survivor, haunted by memories at night and by strange, hybrid creatures during the day. She agrees despite having things in common with his experiences which mean she should not. Like Flesh, this is an intricate character study without a spare word though with plenty of body.

Daughters of the Bamboo Grove by Barabara Demick: in the year 2000 a Chinese woman named Zanhua gave birth to twins. She already had two daughters, despite China’s one-child policy, having been persuaded by her husband’s family that she must keep trying to have a boy. The twins are separated, one of them taken away and adopted by an American couple who believed the baby abandoned. Demick’s account of babies and children being trafficked and of the story of these twins is forensic and fascinating.

You Can’t Take An Elephant On the Bus by Patricia Cleveland-Peck, illustrated by David Tazzyman: so many books would like you to figure out the moral elements yourself but this is very clear – giraffes should not travel by plane; whales and bikes don’t mix; hot air balloons are not for hippos. Glad we got that sorted.

If you are not a hippo and are a balloon fan, happy Bristol Balloon Fiesta to you. I suggest celebrating with Hedgehog’s Balloon by Nick Butterworth and The Great Balloon Hullaballoo by Peter Bently.

Stock takes aside, there are some even more exciting parties coming up. Do check out our upcoming events. We particularly look forward to descending into the underworld (and the basement) with you, Orpheus, and Anna Saunders next Saturday 16th for Anna’s reading from her poetry collection, Eurydice in the Ruined House.

May your weekend take stock of many a balloon,
Lizzie

* Huge thanks to the rogue right-hander we roped in to helping us.
** There is a stunning graphic novel version. It’s not for the faint-hearted of any age. Please ask gently if you’d like to peruse it and I will fetch it from the fridge. Please don’t show it to your pet rabbit.  
*** Promptly. Have done so.

PS K, if you are reading this on publication day: a) Blimey, you really do read the newsletter; b) Happy Birthday. Please accept this note in lieu of a PowerPoint Presentation.

PPS C, if you are reading this a few days later: a) Happy Birthday; b) I tried to get in a reference this week to Mrs Jeffries Takes Stock just for you. Having failed, I suppose I’ll think of an actual present.